him/her: hahahah... it definitely gave me more space from Gary! i think i bloody well owe him an apology for yesterday's harsh SMS!!! thinking that it was him writing that guestbook entry made me call him an annoying, childish, hypocrite and not to call me anymore! ooops... *sigh* the mistakes made by being clouded in anger...

anyhoo... with that in mind, i need to really sort out my feelings. i really still care and love Gary because i'm the sort of person who never forgets each relationship for making me who i am. i treasure them all despite its bitterness and otherwise. i do feel guilty for the things that has happened in the past. the things that may have cause the relationship to take a slide down the gutter and destroy Gary's self-esteem. *sigh* but Fairul is right, i can only try to rebuild that trust, but it's Gary who has to do the rest. i was just too drained. but i am still guilty for it.

i'm also afraid of being on a rebound. maybe my dating others makes Gary think it's all alright on my part. but that's just how i'm distracting myself. i am moving on. and he needs to do that too.
i only fear whom i may trample upon those hearts nearby... i wear my heart on my sleeve. and being set into society as a singleton may not be a good thing for me and the other person... i mean, that's how i used to see it and the reason why i was in such committed relationships. i really fear rejection, i fear my heart being used. i fear fake emotions and feelings. i fear being led. hence, i hid in the comfort of the one i fell in love with.

there is already a named "rebound boy" (that was by Tania's christening =P ). and i'm questioning myself for all the things i had fought for... the non-committal relationship cries, the need for freedom and independance for myself. it's strange how as soon as i leave and close a door, i turn around and bump into someone...