life's getting tougher and tougher even with greener pastures in hand... *sigh* isn't it life's equation that when something good happen, something bad or sad must happen to neutralize the feelings? painful, i know... but it probably can't be helped.

my career is taking a flying start while my relationship is grinding the bottom... *sigh* everytime i try to share my happiness with my friends, and if gary's around... you'll sudenly feel that mooning over of gloom hovering by the side. it's ... it's... frustrating! it's emotionally draining! i'm supposed to be celebrating at the news... instead, i'm trying to recover from stress with more stress! =' (
it makes me want to cry... i mean, yea, aren't i supposed to be celebrating? my first international project! my FIRST international project!!! and i've no one to share it with me... while i was in Perth, i opened and shared a bottle of wine or two and dinner with my group of friends when i found out poetry.com was publishing one of my poems! here, i'm trying to salvage my relationship, while worrying about what's going to happen to it while i'm travelling in and out of the country. why???
*sigghhh*

=' ' (
also, my birthday's coming up... and... yes, the impending gloom. not of being a year older. Hey! i love growing up... it's so much adventure, experience and tons of stories to tell of the past. the only gloom i'm talking about is the feeling of loneliness on that day... everyone's busy with Chinese New Year, or their own thing... or if they do remember, it's all about "ooh, how old are you?" "time to get married" and all that nonsense. =( i don't want to get married, i'm just getting started with my life! i'm just beginning to enjoy it!!

i always see birthdays as a time to be by myself, or just a celebration with family and or friends, to recollect the past and see the milestones life has brought and what it can bring. unfortunately, it always ends up just another day or a miserable day for me. *sigh*