depression seems to be common for me these days. *sigh*
Aqmal's left for New Zealand on Tuesday... and my days suddenly seem empty. things haven't been exactly rosy the last few weeks. my grandmom passed away June 26 and the family had to fly down to Philippines for the funeral. it was the first time all four of us went down together. it really felt like a family reunion with all the relatives to meet and catch up with. but i was just glad that it wasn't a really sad occasion as funerals are expected to be. although, i did feel quite sad for not being able to see her before she left. the last time i saw her was in 1995. been meaning to pay her a visit earlier this year, but never got the chance because of work. *sigh* i think i'm becoming one of those people you love to hate in movies - those characters whose work eats them up they don't even have time for loved ones...

anyway, the funeral was really nice - for use of a better word. i just couldn't get over the fact that there were two coffins lying in church during the funeral Mass. dad joked it was a two for the price of one package... *uhrm* the whole procession from my great grandmom's house to the church was not without incidence. because the village was a fish farm surrounding the river, the river rose to ankle level and people who had to walk had to contend with the black murky river water crossing low level parts of the street. i felt rather bad cos while they had to walk, my family and my uncle's sat in his van to church. we walked anyway to the graveyard after the Mass. and my mom led a Rosary prayer. it was quite a solemn Sunday afternoon. sun up, sky brightly lit, birds in the background and church bells ringing. God couldn't have given my grandmom a better day... i really loved the idea that my grandmom's wish was that all family members wear white instead of black. it was nice to see everyone so nicely dressed up.

i know He's holding her right now in heaven. dad said she's gone to a better place now, and always reminds us that as Christians, death was something that should be celebrated, not mourned. the day we arrived in Manila and was driven to Bulacan by my uncle, we went straight into the house to pay our respects to Nanay. during the supplication prayer session, i wanted Him to show me something. i hadn't been in touch with Him spiritually the last few years, but i just knew He would let me see an assurance of my grandmom's presence. so i just closed my eyes and asked Him to take care of her... then i saw a white light in the background... with my grandmom kneeling in front of Christ. His hands were over her head as in some anointing gesture. i told my dad two days later about the vision... and he said it was the day of the anointing anyway... the third day my grandmom passed on. it was like an affirmation. and i'm glad.