[took me almost 4 hours to finish this post...]
i just got back from a nice evening with Sharon, and Nick. yea, one of those weeknights at the mamak with friends. =) i like these evenings really. it's usually unplanned - when i'm with Sharon - after sort of a girl's day out, we'd then call Nick to come out after work for his dinner. hehehe..

anyway, finally took my laptop down to Pyramid late this afternoon. took Sharon down with me cos we had plans to have waffles n' ice cream at Gelare. i hadn't expected to end up shopping most the evening! @_@ i have no idea what she did to me. i was just planning to get a book and look for the John Mayer CD... but i ended up spending more than i dreamed! gaaah! she's brought out the monster in me, i swear! telling me that Mal would like this particular top i'm trying out... which i bought. *sigh*

*pops John Mayer CD into CDROM*

after dinner, drove down to Gelare. Nick met us there. and after a nice yummy waffle, we accompanied him to Lotus for dinner. pretty interesting conversation the whole night. Nick asked us some advice about this girl who's "thrown the ball on to his court." lol... never liked giving advice to ppl contemplating a relationship. external 'help' is never good. i myself don't like ppl meddling. it happened to me once before. it didn't turn out so good. i've seen other friends do it, and it always turned sour. Nick was persistent though. and when a friend's in need... i will only be diplomatic. i put myself in the girl's shoes. and i relate to his 'problem' from his p.o.v. as well. his issue was almost similar to mine. only according to Sharon, i don't have much leverage in the issue, cos i'm in too far. this girl he's intending to go out with is Malay, and i had to repeat to him the same thing he told me when i was contemplating on going out with Mal - "If it's going to cause problems between you and your family, it would not be a good thing."

Sharon noticed i kept stirring each time advice was given to Nick. i can't help it. i'm in a very similar position. but i can't tell Nick not to go out with this girl just cos of all the problems i'm going through, cos then i'd be a hyppocrite. i can only share with him what i'm going through, then he has to make his own decisions.

i'm in too deep. it's true. *sigh* i don't know how i see myself getting out of this. it was an issue with my parents. a BIG one. and now they think i've broken up with Mal. his leaving for NZ has only made it easier to hide for now. but now, he's coming back for summer...

call me naive, but i've grown to see people beyond their race or religion. and i understand being in a relationship where the two parties oppose each other strongly in society is just unrealistic. i'm playing with fire. it's a Romeo and Juliet tale come to life. am i stupid? letting myself fall into something i know i strongly will not compromise with? isn't that an irony? that i've compromised myself being in a relationship with Mal, and yet, if things go further i won't compromise everything else? my religion, my family, my beliefs? i've even read through forums online about a Catholic-Muslim marriage, and everything points to the negative. i know Mal isn't talking about marriage, and neither am i. (esp. coming out from a relationship so recent where i nearly married) but with my parents seeing things in the eventualities, i have to keep my feet on the ground and be informed of what consequences i'll face.

i'll lose everything. i'm the loser where this relationship leads to. i live in Malaysia. and that's part of the reality.