i'm just sad. you'd think there'd be another word to use, but sad is just sad. there couldn't be another sadder day than today.
i don't know what's going on. just a blur of confusion, loneliness and longing, i guess. you'd think ideals, dreams and wishes are a reality in your mind until you've faced life's complications... or is it really complicated? existentialism...

i've been in Perth for 4 weeks now, each of which just flew by with mixed emotions. what's life like living away from home? the feelings of freedom everyone else so professes isn't there. i just feel more lonely and less free... independence is there, but so was it when i was home. home. home... the familiarity. the security. yeah, i'm homesick! i'm a blardy homesick woman! not spoilt. i'm not complaining about doing my own laundry (although, i am afraid of spoiling the wool/nylon/delicate fabric sweaters...), my own cooking, paying my own bills, cleaning up after myself... bla bla... eventualities i knew i'd face no matter where i am sooner or later! it's just the fact of being far away from the familiar surroundings. having to start over - meeting people, learning how to get around, getting used to what's happening around (socially, politically)... and just basically learning how to "do as the Romans do in Rome." it's just emotionally draining.
i just wonder how ppl who move around so much, handle it...

i'm trying to learn to re-introduce myself to a new group of friends. it's not easy. when you're trying to measure up and make sure you don't get into the wrong crowd. then there's the phase two of getting the ppl you want to befriends with to accept you... having to use previous experience in this case does NOT seem to help at all. every case scenario is different. totally... *sigh*
so far, it's general consensus that the class thinks i'm about 18... 19... years of age. for a girl, you'd think i'd be flattered. but honestly? no, i'm not. i'm not the type of female species who want to conceal their age. i prefer to be the age i am. really! (yes, try asking me 10 or 20 years from now...) it's just ironic how when i was back in secondary school, ppl thought i was in college or working. now its just the other way around. *sigh* really.
anyway, i think my classmates think i'm a geek, or a nerd or something. i'm not. i've learnt all that in class already! i can't help it. (don't ask me why i'm doing it again. long story. and i did not fail anything!!!) why i think this? well, seems like i'm friends with them cos i can help them with class work. and lectures are another thing, they're damn boring! how do you learn something all over again, but presented to you in a different - more long winded & boring - way? *sigh* what can i do? the stupid Uni won't put me in to their Degree program. now i've got to spend a miserable 14 weeks doing a Diploma. *sigh* i am sad...

and that's just the tip of the iceberg for my life for now...